You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
