omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
