You're so nebulous sometimes
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
