i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
