found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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