Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
