Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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