As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
