So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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