a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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