dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
