my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
