people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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