you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
