I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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