my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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