You're my little dorito
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
