you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
