GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
