I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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