We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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