She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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