i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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