Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
