Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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