i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
