We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
