haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
