I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
