apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
