I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
