ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
