so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
