In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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