8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
