Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
