just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
