Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
