Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I pour the whiskey from now on
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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