he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
