I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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