Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
