I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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