$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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