just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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