I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
