how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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