I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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