What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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