not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize