now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
