I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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