hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We just shotgunned beers for America
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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