dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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