I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The air taste purple.
Randomize
