everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
